Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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