dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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