i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
a search helicopter?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
