i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
