so explain again why im purple
no
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
