found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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