I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
