found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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