it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
