I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
