i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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