Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
