I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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