never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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