I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
