my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
