I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
