my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
