the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
