She is in my trunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
