Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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