I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
