Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
