Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
