I'm lost and stupid without you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
