I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
