eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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