Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
