i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
