it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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