Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Randomize
