I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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