Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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