yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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