I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
