I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
