Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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