The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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