you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
