I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fuck appropriateness.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
