You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
is it fun? or sober?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
