Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The air was thick with penises
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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