is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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