i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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