I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
