what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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