I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
