if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
