So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
