i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
