Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
