how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
