You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm too high and old for this...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
